For reasons known only to himself, and not even he knew what they were, Hans wanted to take the rest of the day off.

Announcing he was “bored” and “didn’t want to play anymore” seemed slightly childish, but he couldn’t think of a really good excuse for walking out on everyone. It was likely for that reason he now stalked back and forth between the dining room and the kitchen trying not to bite anyone’s head off.

Like, literally, he thought to himself. He wondered if there would be a moon tonight or something, because it seemed to him that things were just really weird today. There had been a third incident just before the dinner rush between Gretal and some unannounced jumped up performer-looking dude and a fourth one during it, which had started off with a chipped glass and ended up outside, thank goodness, and frankly that was WAY TOO MANY things, because things only happen in threes, not fours. Everyone knew that.

The Canerican, who pronounced her names as Shane (although it said Shianne on her name tag) didn’t appear to be too happy doing the dishes. It may have had something to do with the fact she was not dressed appropriately at all, but, she’d wanted to start immediately, and Hans had indeed simply shrugged and said (after his initial terrifying admission to himself of what the truth looked like)…

‘I’m not paying the insurance.’

Fennel, at that point had stormed off swearing under his breath, and Hans seriously began to question himself, because under normal circumstances he would not have done this, and really, if the woman wanted to take him to court (if, Hans, if, not when) she would win because he’d allowed her in the kitchen.

She did not appear to understand what he meant just after the dinner rush when he said, ‘What you’re wearing is inappropriate.’

He knew this because she’d started spouting nonsense about her rights and other things, which really had him questioning his choices again.

‘Listen, Shane…’

‘Shianne.’

‘That’s what I said. Please don’t interrupt, as I’m about to teach you something.’

‘Fine,’ she said, which really got his goat.

‘As you are working in the kitchen, Shane, you should be wearing trousers, and covered work shoes. Why do you think this is, Shane?’

‘Shianne,’ said Shane. ‘I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me.’

‘Why don’t you start showing me a little respect and I will.’

Fennel and the other kitchen staff began to do things really loudly then, because they all seemed to get incredibly busy all at once and there were lots of pots and pans banging, and shouting of “Where’s the cheese sauce,” and other things, so Hans decided it may possibly be the time to escort Shane, without touching her because that would give her something else to complain about, into the short hall between there and the dining room.

‘Because,’ Hans said quietly because it was quieter. ‘You need to be covered up so you don’t get burnt, or scalded, or anything else that will require you taking an extended leave of absence because you haven’t followed our occupational health and safety rules, which are there for a very good reason. That’s why.’

‘Then why did you put me in the kitchen,’ she asked.

‘Because,’ and he took a very deep and calming breath because seriously he wanted to strangle her right now. ‘You wanted to start straight away. You do not seem to understand anything else about anything else, and I took pity on you and now you are here, and really you don’t have to be here. After all, it’s three days of free work I’ve taken out of your life and you could seriously be working for somebody else.’ He sucked in another breath. ‘That’s why.’ He spat out the words like they were on fire. ‘Would you like to go home now?’

He crossed his fingers inside his pants pockets. Then he saw himself in the hallway mirror, straightened his hair and his tie, carefully made sure his flea collar wasn’t showing, and gave himself a wink.

The Shane woman seemed to be staring at him.

Well, it wasn’t really a surprise because after all he was amazingly handsome and people seemed to do that a lot.

‘I just can’t seem to make up my mind,’ she said.

‘About what,’ he grinned because apparently he had a fabulous, cheeky grin and it made one old lady’s heart go all gooey once, or so he’d been told.

‘Whether I should be listening to the man who seems to know what he’s talking about, or looking at the man who seems to think he’s God’s Gift when he really, okay well… Okay so I’m not going home permanently but could I go and get changed. Please.’

Hans felt much better. ‘Don’t take too long,’ he warned. ‘Closing is in three hours.’

It was after she’d left that he realised her eyes were green. He decided he shouldn’t have noticed that.

‘I’m going now,’ he informed Fennel five minutes later.

Fennel looked surprised. ‘Why? You usually stay until close?’

‘I just am. That’s all. Sometimes you just get a little too personal, Fennel.’

Fennel held up his hands. ‘Hey, I’m not arguing mate, you’re the boss.’

‘That’s right, I am.’ Hans restrained himself from saying “So there”.

Maybe there was a pub within a twenty minute radius he could find because, as much as he liked the kitchen and wait staff here, he had been spending too much time with them, and with the arrival of the Shane woman, who was very disturbing, he simply didn’t want to be here anymore.

‘Have a good night,’ he said to Fennel, who gave him a brief wave.

That’s when he decided to go home, drop off the car, and head out to any kind of club or pub he could get absolutely smashed at. He glanced through the possibilities and found a Karaoke Bar.

Tonight he’d be singing, “Born Free”. Well, that would be the first option he’d go with, and if they didn’t have that then he’d choose something equally fitting for the animal he’d become.